It's been a little quiet lately in the area of referrals. I remember back in Jan and Feb while I was doing paperwork it was the same way... before the 60 referrals that happened in March!
We're hoping that the quietness is for the same reason.. that there is a big batch on its way to clear out a chunk of the "list".
#5 is a fantastic place to be. I was really happy for the update. Truthfully, I don't think we will make it to a "lower" number at this point. Both of the gals that were before me and after me have received their referrals.. and I believe everyone in front of me at this point is requesting an infant girl. So IF a perfect baby boy should be ready for referral.. it would likely come to us!
June was a tough month because I really did expect to have news by now. I also spent the entire month of June in the bottom 10 of the list and expecting more news. Now that June has come and gone.. we're kind of in a space of peaceful whateverness. The courts will be closing soon in August.. so it is unlikely that even if we get a referral on Monday that we will make the cut off before they close for the rainy season. In this way.. I would rather "wait" with no baby news during this closure than be staring at a little face every day knowing that our case won't go anywhere for awhile.
I have girlfriends in that exact position. They have their referrals.. they know who will be joining their families and there is a lot of joy and excitement.. they just don't have court dates yet so they don't have a good idea of when their families will all be together on the same continent. That's rough.
I'm pre-praying for that period of the wait. I think that that will be the hardest for me because I only had a 6 day span of knowing about Lucas before he was in my arms. This time around? Could be more like 6 months. The difference? That I know that I know that I know that this will all work together for His purpose and that God is preparing our family.
We got our first "reject" letter from one of our grant applications. While that was a bummer, it is always nice to have an answer. That is more prayer energy for the other 4 :-)
We are also designing some t-shirts that we will be selling to family and our church in hopes of raising at least $1,000 of the 8,000 that we need for travel. We are hoping that God can prepare the hearts of the folks of Deerbrook Covenant Church that they would want to be involved in bringing our child home.
I have fantastic days, "blah" days, and difficult days during this wait. Fantastic days happen when I am just loving my son, enjoying my prayer time, and keeping busy in this beautiful summer I have been given. "Blah" days happen when I'm tired from doing all the things listed above and I miss my husband.. and the difficult days happen when I just wish I had news and I long to see the face of the little person I have been praying about since last summer. Sometimes I play a little game with myself called "You're not waiting for the call. I dare you to leave your phone out of sight and earshot!" So far I have been able to do this a couple times for up to 2 hours. After a month of being jumpy every time the phone rang.. now I'm challenging myself to act like I don't care :-)
In my prayer time, I have asked God to enable me to go be doing something good and productive with my life when that phone rings.
I have also been using this time to dig up some old feelings.. the feelings that were hard to face when I was waiting for Lucas- ie: parenting adopted children that will have to deal with grief and loss in various stages of their little lives. I have had 3 years now of healing and processing from my own loss of biological children and I still have far to go.. but we're getting there. We want to be in a place of emotional health to meet the needs of our children.. not in a place of needing our children to avoid our own grief. That's a lot to chew but there is a lot of positive and engaging literature out there for folks such as myself, written from the viewpoint of adopted children, to help us parents "get it" when our children speak.
I'll share with you all at a later point what I have been up to.. but it's deep lol
That pretty much summarizes this blog update.. that is here more for my children to read someday in the far off future. This blog serves as a way to update family about our lives which is all fine and good.. but like any good journal you have to remember write down your feelings when you're having them :-)
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