Waiting....

So last post we really didn't know what the heck was going on. In terms of the Sibley's, nothing has changed; however, elsewhere in the system things are moving along. A good batch of families were submitted to the Embassy under the new system on the 1st and 3rd of the month (or close to that..) and some of them have received clearance and are leaving in the next few days or have already left to pick up their children. The rest are still being investigated. At least now we are seeing documents submitted under the new system and people are being approved some quickly and some longer. Referrals are happening for families far behind us in process and court dates are being given out. All progress is good.

We received a picture of our sweet boy sleeping last week. His curls are coming in so beautifully. I needed that.

SO... I preface everything I'm about to say by letting you know that we COULD be submitted to the Embassy this week.. or next week.. or some day.. we just don't know when. Under this new system our agency can submit whoever is "paper ready" every week and there is no limit to how many families they can submit at a time like there use to be. Basically, we are waiting for that magical email that says "we turned in your stuff" and then we wait through the investigation that could take 2 days, 2 weeks, or months. We just don't know.

I traveled to Nashville to see some dear people to me from both high school and last year's Haiti trip last week. It was a great choice. It was pretty much a whole week with minimal email stalking because I was just enjoying them and the city so much.

But I came home. We are back to the grind. We have no idea when we are going back to get Ben. I have no plans...

So we will set the scene for today. Ted is now at Children's Mercy running the ER, but this afternoon he was home which allowed me to run some errands sans Lucas. Errands included an oil change that took quite a bit longer than usual. I spent some time reading.. and here are some insights into my soul of what God gave me during that time.

From "Ashes to Africa" by Josh and Amy Bottomly... regarding being open to God's heart while we walk through this and learning of the orphan and HIV crisis in Africa through film, books, etc...

"Any time art touches your life with tears, whether through a story, song, film, or painting, it was wise to pay attention to those tears because your tears could help you find your heart. And if you found your heart, you found what was dear to God. If you found what was dear to God, you found the answer to how you should live your life".

So THAT'S why I've been crying about this child....

Also.. let's have a little chat about being real about what we are feeling.. rather than covering it with classic Christian cliche's. When we write and express the pain in our lives, we connect ourselves with the rest of God's children intimately and united in prayer under our God.

Also from "Ashes to Africa"..

"When we tell the truth on this level, we not only connect to our own deepest humanity, but we also connect to one anothers deepest humanity. At this level, we form a connective tissue of friendship not through our mutual sense of wholeness, but our mutual sense of brokenness."

Thank you Lord.

I am so thankful for other Christians who have suffered the pangs of infertility, and can join Ted and I on the other side after walking through it and continuing to face it.

I chatted back and forth with a friend for awhile, and went to review the lesson I was going to facilitate on Wednesday night with our worship team. Ironically, it was about waiting.

I have read through this book in its entirety, however somehow I missed these two pages. This is taken from "Satisfy my Thirsty Soul" by Linda Dillow.

And then the tears started.




"Desperately helplessly, longingly, I cried
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate.
And the Master so gently said, "Child you must wait"

"Wait? You say, wait?!" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heart?
By FAITH I have asked, and am claiming Your Word.

"My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a yes, a go-ahead sign.
Or even a no to which I an resign.

And Lord, you promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry.
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait".
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting... for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine.
And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

"All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want- but you wouldn't know ME.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint,
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save.. (for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But oh, the loss! if I lost what I'm doing in YOU!

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
THAT THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT."


and so friends, and family, I will. And then I cried at oil change guy.

Hugs.

Erin