Drew Sibley: "The kid we aren't adopting" until we were

I remember this day well. Note the ice cream. I cried through the entire application. We were adamantly done with international adoption after Trenton. We are passionate about family preservation and taking care of the kids in our own back yard as well. More on those kids in the post to come, but for now, this is the visual of me writing the 15 page application to adopt a special needs child from Colombia. We weren't officially matched to Drew yet at this point, but we knew he was there and his circumstance was not going to change until someone wrote an envelope with his name on it. So on August 16th, I wrote the the beginning of that envelope.

We set ourselves a deadline to decide, and on September 1st we submitted an official Letter of Intent to FANA (his, Lucas, and Sam's first home) requesting to pursue him. We were approved in October, and the paper chase for his dossier was in full swing.

Meanwhile, as his process was still out of my control, we used that time to advocate well for displaced children here in the city.

Hence, starting to work with Safe Families for Children again. WHICH WE SO DID. Read on.

June 2016, THE BIG MOVE

We knew since 2013 that moving back to MN permanently was the right move for our family... now pulling that off logically and emotionally was an entire other ordeal. Even through we had two years to plan for the idea, that didn't make it easier in the moment. We knew that Trenton would likely arrive sometime in 2015, and the plan was to get that child settled before the big move. One does not simply fill out job applications to change employment as an ER doctor under contract so that was the first thing to work towards.

Ted traveled in fall 2015 to secure his new contract with Emergency Care Consultants in the Twin Cities that manage many of the emergency departments in the area. He works primarily at United in downtown St Paul, although he travels out to others in Wisconsin, Hastings, and Minneapolis on occasion.

We had saved and saved for the right house to do community ministry out of... and we found just the right spot. Bulleye center of the metro area and able to sleep 14 people relatively comfortably.



We live in a pretty fab area



We spent the summer adjusting to the new reality. I missed my friends fiercely. The kids didn't understand why we had to leave everything they had ever known.. but slowly over time this place became home again.

The Awesomeness that is Trenton Sibley

I just read my final post, written and posted in Ethiopia in June of 2015.. my favorite section was "I'll likely be going quiet for 6 months or so while we all adjust"..

HA!!

By 6 months, I meant 2 years.. and the only reason I'm back now updating, is because this blog is about to have life happening on it because we are on our way back to Colombia for another little boy! But that post comes later.

First, who was this legend Trenton Sibley? What answers did we get? How did we handle all of that transition?

Well, read on, person with nothing better to do.



Another fun part about this post, is that I get to put up all of my cute pictures of Trenton being fabulous and handsome, and I'm not even clogging up someones social media feed, because you asked to be here.

So now you get more



Now, we are going to bring it down, and talk about the real stuff. Then we will pump it back up again.

The down: Trenton has complex cognitive impairment, severe autism, epilepsy, a genetic condition involving chromosomal deletion, crazy hyperactivity with ADHD, and brain damage. He is still nonverbal, although he can mimic 3 sounds and has some signs to get his needs met. He is still in a diaper. His final diagnosis evolved from fall 2015 up to early spring 2017 (now). We are still figuring him out. Yes, we knew we were dealing with an "unknown neurological condition" when we adopted him. Did we know it was this complicated and severe? No. I'm glad we didn't know. We could have missed out on one of my favorite human beings on earth.

Now that is not to say that there are no significant behaviors that impact his ability to have healthy relationships. There are. His IEP at school and care plan through the county are full of these realities. Trenton will need care to an unknown degree for the rest of his life to keep himself safe. I know as you are sitting here reading this, you are getting my rosy tone. Looking back on our story, I can afford to have that now. As I type this, he is sitting in a fully enclosed Pedicraft special needs bed babbling to himself and playing with magnetic blocks while he listens to me read his story to him out loud as I type it.

He and I belong to each other. With each month in the last two years his ability to bond healthily with his brothers and parents has grown. When he is afraid or unsure, some of those old survival strategies come back hard, but we know that now. He isn't evil, he is terrified or trying to figure something out. Most days, I know what I am getting with my little boy, and he knows what he is getting from mom, Dad, brothers, and school. It's only when we change that up, that the fear sets in.



We spent the fall of 2015 advocating for his specialists and to get him into school. We didn't begin medication management interventions until spring of 2016 after receiving his ADMR26 diagnosis when we realized the hyperactivity was part of the syndrome. Since the medical intervention, Trenton has been able to "bring it down" enough to play and enjoy his life, for which we are eternally grateful.

So now you know the story of Trenton's adjustment to our family as we continued to solder forward. In spring 2016 it was time to pull the big trigger for the big move to Minnesota that had been planned before Trenton's adoption. It was a grueling thing to do, but it was right.

Onward!

Wrapping up in country and Embassy interview!!

So since my last post I picked up Trent from the orphanage and he said goodbye to his old life. That looked something like this.



Here he said some final goodbyes at his farewell coffee ceremony.

And then.... this.



And not too long after all of that.. this.



The next week was spent him and me doing a lot of work. It was some tough tough work. I can't say there wasn't some tears from both of us. Hours and miles were hiked. Time in's were had. This was 100% the right choice for what he needed, but it definitely wasn't the easiest of options. We really did stare at each other all day (and all night). I wasn't exactly taking pictures of the uglier moments of all of this work. Here are a few more highlights.



After a week of this, Randy Holl, like a great Papa Knight in Shining Armor arrived on Tuesday 6/2 and since then I have enjoyed the bliss that is a shower without worry. He has done a lot of sight seeing and some tag teaming to keep me sane. With the exception of one crying episode, things have been much easier. Unlike Bogota, I can't scurry off to grab a coffee or walk to a park or go on a family outing here (well I can, there are just very few options, all of which I will be exploiting for the next 3 days). So while Randy was off doing cool adult stuff, I stayed back here to keep working with the little man. I was able to join him at Mt Entoto though!



Following this, we were able to visit the Fuelwood women's Association to see the work the ladies have been able to do once they aren't strong enough to go up and down the mountain. Scarves were purchased.



Then there was more of this



We finally had all of the pieces of the puzzle for the Embassy for his USA visa last Friday. Embassy was awesome and agreed to work with me due to his medical needs and me being here. We got permission to submit early and we submitted Monday June 8th. We got our "clearance" (WOOHOO!!!) email this morning. We originally asked for an apt on Wednesday, but then out of nowhere they decided it would be better for me to just "come right now" to ensure they had time to process it before my Friday flight.

So we jumped in the car and off we went! Interview went just as smoothly as the previous 3 and that was that. Papa got to hang out at his first Embassy as well! Then, we decided that Tomoco coffee would be the most appropriate celebration of this process being nearly over.



My envelope will be ready for pick up at 10am on Thursday morning and ready for my flight leaving 10:50pm Friday night here.

But let's talk about that flight though....

And by "flight" I mean a 17 hour non stop from Addis to Washington DC. We only land briefly in Dublin to refuel where we won't be getting off the plane.

So what I'm saying is, from 2pm CST on Friday 6/12 until 6:15am CST Saturday 6/13, I will be with a disabled likely hearing impaired nonverbal (but LOUD) child in an 18x18 inch space with hundreds of people to despise us.

It is entirely possible that this will be the worst day of my 33 years of life... BUT.. if that is the worst thing to ever happen to me, then I've had a pretty awesome life right?

There will be benadryl. There will be melatonin. There will be cookies, goldfish crackers, and about 30 suckers. It will be epic, and all we have to do is survive it.

I have a really long layover to get me through immigration and customs in DC. Following that, I will re-check in my luggage and check in for my direct flight from DC to KC. Then I will leave the airport for Alamo rental car, where I will strap this child to a car seat.. and using the joy that is GPS, find the nearest Starbucks, followed by french fries (his favorite thing ever) followed by a park where I will run very wiggle out of this child for 6 hours. After that, I will return to the airport, give them back the rental, and check in for my 5:15pm direct flight to KC.

But where is Ted?? Another detail. Ted has had a Colombia medical team trip planned for months. We knew this would happen.. so he is leaving the USA tomorrow for Colombia and I will land in his absence into the loving embrace of my Saint-like Mother (and Randy). As was the original plan had I not come home early, mom will stay in KC until 6/19 when Ted gets back to get me back on sleeping schedule. So there will be a few days there where our family will span 3 different continents, each parent ironically to the continent of the children's birth. Nice for Ted though, that since I've passed embassy he knows the only thing between me and getting safely home is potential flight delays (but not adoption delays). We will all be together eventually.

I miss my boys at home, and a major snuggle time in mom's bed will be happening the evening of Saturday 6/13 when I collapse into it after being awake for 2 days straight.

TO CONCLUDE

Please pray for me on my flight. Please pray for Trent's fears and for his little heart and that the weeks we have spent together have planted some seeds of trust for him to follow me where we are going. After I get home, I'll be falling off the earth for the next 6 months or so through the period we all call "after the airport". It is a time of building stuff and trust learning and lots and lots and lots of sometimes uncomfortable adjustment for everyone. Little man is about to have his whole world ripped away from him, even more than before. Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers..

and now I am off to enjoy our last 3 days in country!!